When I first read the description for this novel, I was immediately drawn in by the idea that this book would tell the stories of three generations of women, all living in different time periods and circumstances, but all evidently following the same path as the one who came before them. As I read from the perspectives of all three women, I found many similarities between both their narration, as well as their experiences.

One very important similarity is an event that occurred for both Evelyn and her daughter Laura. As I covered in another blog post, at a young age, Evelyn was a professor as the local university, and ended up having an affair with a student who calls himself as Rusty and identifies as a “farm boy.” While neither of them were cheating on significant others, the relationship was a conflict of interest and most likely against the rules of the university. But Rusty made Evelyn happy. He made her feel liberated and courageous. Their affair was short-lived, but it did result in Evelyn getting pregnant. By the time she finds out, Rusty has moved back home. Unfortunately she loses the child, but goes on to give birth to Laura and Mark.

Many years later, Laura is married to Gabe. Through a chance meeting at a car repair shop, Laura reconnects with Bob Malloy, an old friend if her brother’s. Laura ends up having a brief affair with Bob, meaning she cheats on Gabe. Bob, much like Rusty, identifies as a “hick.” Bob, much like Rusty, makes Laura feel happy. She is able to relax around him, unlike when she is with Gabe. Their affair is fleeting, but does result in Laura becoming pregnant. But by this time, just like her mother, the man, in this case Bob, is gone. Unlike her mother, Laura delivers the baby and never tells Gabe the child is not his.

I think it’s so interesting how the author was able to make these two experiences almost exactly parallel. After both affairs, the women return to the men they have chosen to live alongside forever, but neither of them are satisfied or pleased in any way. They both had ambitions, vision, and drive. But now that they’ve had their affairs and fleeting senses of adventure and recklessness, they’ve come to the realization the only path for them is the path of being the wife, the mother, the caretaker for everyone but themselves. They will have to sacrifice almost everything that brings them joy and feeds their soul and surrender all sense of self in order to give themselves fully to their families. While Evelyn is able to maintain some sort of a solo career, and a very successful one, Laura is never able to escape the clutches of her family, due to Gabe’s alcoholism, her son’s drug addiction, and the endless arguing that results between them, due to their demons and inability to view a situation from any perspective besides their own.

Much later, after both Evelyn and Laura have passed, Grace, Laura’s daughter, experiences a very short relationship with a man who she views as more a “biker.” And while he does not share many similarities with Rusty or Bob, he brings the same emotions into Grace’s life. He serves his purpose and she breaks it off.

By creating this story, of a fleeting relationship, not one supported of love but one of sheer attraction for adventure, and using it as a parallel for three generations, is a true example of how our families’ experiences are able to carry into our lives. A common theme in almost women’s lives is the idea of doing anything and everything to avoid becoming their mothers. Sometimes, at least in Laura’s case, even the mothers don’t want their daughters to carry on their traits and personality.

A quote from Laura: “But don’t you worry, dear. It’s just fine if you don’t turn out one bit like me” (155).

But more often than not, it is impossible to avoid this. Because most of the women who say this, are the ones who have spent the most time with their mothers. As girls grow and mature, they view their mothers as wrong, which makes sense considering each mother has grown up in a different society than their daughters, meaning they most likely will have clashing beliefs or habits. This strain causes daughters to pull away (I know, I’ve done it myself).

“She didn’t want to try and explain the complicated territory between mothers and daughters, how she and her mother had veered toward and away from each other through the years, how Grace had measured herself against her mother and always took off running in the other direction” (215).

But then they become mothers. And their children are living in the next level of society, one that may frown upon things from the generation before. Every generation is evolving, changing what is tolerated and what is not. And the cycle starts again. But no matter what, mothers and daughters are connected on a level that is untouchable. It makes perfect sense that a connection like that will produce a disdain for mothers, followed by the inevitable, a life that only makes sense when it is dusted with aspects and traits passed down by the mother. It is truly inescapable to create a life without some sort of repetition. Without some sort a parallel between them, the only shared aspect of their family would be mere genes and a last name.

These three generations have women analyze the world in way I’ve never experienced before. And each of them understand that the curse of unhappiness in women has officially been carved into their family tree.

“Why had her mother wasted so much of her time trying? Why should that be part of some female inheritance?” (195).

When I first read the description for this novel, I was immediately drawn in by the idea that this book would tell the stories of three generations of women, all living in different time periods and circumstances, but all evidently following the same path as the one who came before them. As I read from the perspectives of all three women, I found many similarities between both their narration, as well as their experiences.

One very important similarity is an event that occurred for both Evelyn and her daughter Laura. As I covered in another blog post, at a young age, Evelyn was a professor as the local university, and ended up having an affair with a student who calls himself as Rusty and identifies as a “farm boy.” While neither of them were cheating on significant others, the relationship was a conflict of interest and most likely against the rules of the university. But Rusty made Evelyn happy. He made her feel liberated and courageous. Their affair was short-lived, but it did result in Evelyn getting pregnant. By the time she finds out, Rusty has moved back home. Unfortunately she loses the child, but goes on to give birth to Laura and Mark.

Many years later, Laura is married to Gabe. Through a chance meeting at a car repair shop, Laura reconnects with Bob Malloy, an old friend if her brother’s. Laura ends up having a brief affair with Bob, meaning she cheats on Gabe. Bob, much like Rusty, identifies as a “hick.” Bob, much like Rusty, makes Laura feel happy. She is able to relax around him, unlike when she is with Gabe. Their affair is fleeting, but does result in Laura becoming pregnant. But by this time, just like her mother, the man, in this case Bob, is gone. Unlike her mother, Laura delivers the baby and never tells Gabe the child is not his.

I think it’s so interesting how the author was able to make these two experiences almost exactly parallel. After both affairs, the women return to the men they have chosen to live alongside forever, but neither of them are satisfied or pleased in any way. They both had ambitions, vision, and drive. But now that they’ve had their affairs and fleeting senses of adventure and recklessness, they’ve come to the realization the only path for them is the path of being the wife, the mother, the caretaker for everyone but themselves. They will have to sacrifice almost everything that brings them joy and feeds their soul and surrender all sense of self in order to give themselves fully to their families. While Evelyn is able to maintain some sort of a solo career, and a very successful one, Laura is never able to escape the clutches of her family, due to Gabe’s alcoholism, her son’s drug addiction, and the endless arguing that results between them, due to their demons and inability to view a situation from any perspective besides their own.

Much later, after both Evelyn and Laura have passed, Grace, Laura’s daughter, experiences a very short relationship with a man who she views as more a “biker.” And while he does not share many similarities with Rusty or Bob, he brings the same emotions into Grace’s life. He serves his purpose and she breaks it off.

By creating this story, of a fleeting relationship, not one supported of love but one of sheer attraction for adventure, and using it as a parallel for three generations, is a true example of how our families’ experiences are able to carry into our lives. A common theme in almost women’s lives is the idea of doing anything and everything to avoid becoming their mothers. Sometimes, at least in Laura’s case, even the mothers don’t want their daughters to carry on their traits and personality.

A quote from Laura: “But don’t you worry, dear. It’s just fine if you don’t turn out one bit like me” (155).

But more often than not, it is impossible to avoid this. Because most of the women who say this, are the ones who have spent the most time with their mothers. As girls grow and mature, they view their mothers as wrong, which makes sense considering each mother has grown up in a different society than their daughters, meaning they most likely will have clashing beliefs or habits. This strain causes daughters to pull away (I know, I’ve done it myself).

“She didn’t want to try and explain the complicated territory between mothers and daughters, how she and her mother had veered toward and away from each other through the years, how Grace had measured herself against her mother and always took off running in the other direction” (215).

But then they become mothers. And their children are living in the next level of society, one that may frown upon things from the generation before. Every generation is evolving, changing what is tolerated and what is not. And the cycle starts again. But no matter what, mothers and daughters are connected on a level that is untouchable. It makes perfect sense that a connection like that will produce a disdain for mothers, followed by the inevitable, a life that only makes sense when it is dusted with aspects and traits passed down by the mother. It is truly inescapable to create a life without some sort of repetition. Without some sort a parallel between them, the only shared aspect of their family would be mere genes and a last name.

These three generations have women analyze the world in way I’ve never experienced before. And each of them understand that the curse of unhappiness in women has officially been carved into their family tree.

“Why had her mother wasted so much of her time trying? Why should that be part of some female inheritance?” (195).

While reading about Laura’s relationship with her husband Gabe, I found many aspects of it hard to understand. Only once in this chapter has she spoke kindly of him. But yet, she stays with him. Maybe I’m unable to understand because I’ve never experienced that kind of relationship, but it seems to me as though Laura is forcing herself to be unhappy, almost like she wants it. But what kind of person wants to be unhappy. The way I see it, Laura is following in the footsteps of her mother. Evelyn voiced her discontent with Andrew and with the fact that she gave up her career and the possibilities she envisioned to follow the norm and become a wife and mother. Build up a life full of objects and memories, just to end up empty in the end.

Laura describes feeling lonely in her relationship, which is obviously ironic since the whole point is to never be lonely. But the way she describes Gabe even makes me feel lonely. He’s cold and selfish and when she recommends solutions to the estrangement they’re both feeling, he completely shuts her down with silly opinions that he’s set in, like gum that has been spit onto concrete, and now has been so overwhelmed by sunshine and footsteps, it’s become part of the sidewalk permanently. And Laura lets him stay this way. She allows herself to adapt this habit, and becomes stuck to a life she never wanted. She says that she never had the drive or vision of her mother, but she had some ideas. She wanted to travel, do something big. She did not want to be stuck giving herself to one man. To one life. To one purpose. Allowing this one man to have so much control. Gabe reminds me of Tom Buchanan from The Great Gatsby. He feeds off control, but unlike Tom, he does not love it so much that he abandons manners or respect. But just like Tom, Gabe’s ways of creating an atmosphere filled with his own boring habits and 3 emotions, drives Laura into the arms of a man from her past. Although Laura returns to Gabe, she does so reluctantly. She has had an affair and now sees nothing but this life in front of her. She sees no way out, so she chooses to accept this fate. She feels as though her life has already panned out and there’s no changing anything. She’ll just have to pretend and play along. She’ll have to accept Gabe as who he is and suffer the defeat she’s experienced. She understands things aren’t right, she can feel it. But she needs him, like you need a pencil to write with when you know you’ll be making mistakes. Or the way you need a blanket when you’re cold. Things that are required, not necessarily wanted. Things that are good solutions, but almost too good to the point that they are unsatisfying. Maybe it would be nice to write with pen and allow yourself to make mistakes and make them noticeable. Or instead of using a blanket when you’re cold, deciding to take an hour long bath with all the hot water available or even impulsively decide to jet-set off to a tropical location, where you’ll never be cold. Maybe impractical, but things that can leave you feeling relieved. A relief that comes from not going along with the decisions previously made by everyone.

So Laura will stay lonely. She won’t be alone, but she’ll be lonely.

“She was lonely in her marriage. What if that never changed? What if your life sneaked up behind you, tapped you on the shoulder, and said, Guess what, I’m already here”

Continuing with Evelyn’s story, she presents a story of a simple fling with a farm boy. He was one of her students and he charmed her, in ways Andrew couldn’t. They begin their affair and while they’re together, Evelyn asks him to teach her how to drive. She ends up driving through a terrible thunder storm, but they thankfully make it out alive. She feels positively invigorated. Her life has come to this incredible moment of just pure adrenaline and excitement, like the winds of the storm stirred something inside of her. Rusty, the farm boy fling, is wildly impressed. He says she has:

Courage under fire.

But how much of Evelyn’s act was courage, and how much was simply a reaction to danger? Mere shock and stun? Or is that exactly what courage is? The ability to react under pressure and strain and make it out feeling capable and strong. I’ve always found myself to be the kind of person who can react well to chaos, and when necessary, I can lead people without even a second thought. But I would never define myself as courageous. But I believe Evelyn is courageous here. Sure, she was probably just completely stunned by the storm and all that was on her mind was escaping it, but she was able to drive safely through it. She felt the heat and intensity of the moment and still remained level-headed enough to stay on the road and maintain a safe speed. And she did this all with only a few hours of driving under her belt. I don’t really know why this quote stuck out to me, but when I read it, I felt very inspired and it was almost as though I felt proud of Evelyn in my own way. Previously in this chapter, we heard a lot about Evelyn’s uncomfortable and quiet relationship with Andrew. Then the novel completely turns around and takes us to a time when Evelyn was wild and rebellious. She pursued a relationship with a student. She snuck out to see him and even became pregnant with his child. She was courageous and free.

But then we learn she loses her child. She marries Andrew and loves her life. And the way it’s all described is heart wrenching. It makes it seem as though after Evelyn’s relationship with Rusty, she never again chased freedom. She remained in her little family life and did as many women had done before. She has children, she experiences advancements in her career and home life. She suffers.

“Over time, her discontents became familiar and lost some of their sharp edge. What were you allowed to expect from life anyway? Not much. Nothing, when you came right down to it. That did not keep you from wanting it all” (66-67).

This quote really reached me. To think that we’re all born into the world, but when we are created, there is really no one purpose or point to us. Anything we do in this world has been designed, decided, or encouraged by someone else. We eat three meals a day, but who decided that would be the norm? We sleep at night, but why? Who’s to say we can’t decide our own life. Society has been so perfectly carved, shaped, and polished, and the expectations for a modern man or woman is at a point where any deviation from the charted path seems completely pointless and ridiculous. We hurt and we love and we cry and we laugh and we learn. And that’s life. That’s all anyone knows for certain. But even those emotions aren’t certain. Absolutely nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is promised. The pains we feel from life chip away at us and tear at us, but then they slowly fade and we’re back to only thinking of the pain and remembering it with a gentle sting. After all, pain is just another emotion. Just like happiness. We all want so much, how could we not? I mean we’re all here after all, we might as well do something. Feel and grow and learn and live. We can’t expect everything, but we can create anything. We can drive through the rain and survive. We can all work to capture

Courage under fire.

Early in the novel, Laura says something really interesting about the particular group of women she falls into. The “women with short gray hair and glasses,” as she so carefully calls them. She says they are forgotten. While at first this quote just made me laugh at the accuracy but then after further investigation, I started to realize how much truth laid beneath this satirical statement. People are always grouped. Even if you try to defer and diverge from the group you’ve been placed in, it’s most likely that others have done it before you, and in the process of escaping your grouping, you’ll just find yourself in a new one. I like to think I’m in the group of teenagers who have a strange sense of humor, but a really good heart. I’m content where I am, but there are things that separate me from the people around me, and aspects I would like to change. But the group I find myself in seems to be thinning. More and more I notice my generation falling into the “phone-addicted delinquents whose diet consists of Aroma Joe’s and gossip.” And while there may be nothing wrong with that to some people, it’s very disturbing to me. I wish more than anything that my generation would wake up and see the power we possess.

With everything that’s transpiring in this twisted and cynical world, we should be looking up and straight ahead, not down at ours phones. I’m not saying I don’t love my phone, but I understand how to toxic it is. I gossip too, but every time I do, it’s only to make people laugh. (Remember that “strange sense of humor” I talked about earlier?”) Teenagers have so much potential and if everyone just woke up, we could solve an infinite amount of problems and conquer so many issues. And it’s not even our generation, it’s every generation! We have become so brainwashed. Everyone has a place. But nothing has an answer. This blog post really got away from me, but my point is, there are groups. There are different races of people, in every aspect imaginable. And if we keep up what with what we’re doing now, it won’t just be the “women with white hair and glasses” who are forgotten. We’ll all be known as

The generation of image-and-electronic-obsessed fools who destroyed humanity.

“And in spite of everything you can say about the unfairness of it all, the ongoing, escalating, flaming catastrophe of the world around you, there was no dismissing the lurking fear that perhaps you simply did not measure up, and it was your fault you cannot afford your own vehicle, or health insurance, or real estate, and you would spend the rest of your life at the bottom of the heap, frantically promoting yourself and your ventures on social media just as everybody else was promoting themselves, and complaining about it all” (117-118).

By Chapter 3, we finally enter the point of view of Evelyn, Laura’s mother. We are able to see the beginning of her life with Laura’s father, Andrew, and the challenges Evelyn faces while trying to settle into her new role as wife and mother. But before Thompson dives too deeply into that, she presents us with the story of how Evelyn and Andrew met. They meet at a orchestra concert. When Evelyn’s friend notices Andrew staring, she brings it to Evelyn’s attention and in a very impulsive and bold moment, Evelyn walks up to him, startling him in the process. She talks later about not understanding why she did it, but I think it’s incredibly interesting. For the time period, it’s very strange to see a woman making a move and leaving the man shocked and vulnerable. By including this moment, where the roles are very noticeably reversed, the author provides us with an essential truth about Evelyn. As the reader, I’ve already been exposed to details about Evelyn’s very successful and active career, so from this detail and the story of Evelyn’s first move with Andrew, I predict Evelyn will be a very powerful and inspiring figure of empowerment and determination. I think she will own her truth and she will be able to intricately control her role in her relationships and in life.

In Chapter 3 of Part 1, Laura dives headfirst into details about her son’s addiction. She goes very deep into the struggles and challenges of having a son who isn’t her son, and a husband who is so angered by the disruption and pain this ordeal has caused, that he is unable to aid in this battle in any way. But there is one key detail in this chapter that really stuck out to me. Laura briefly mentions her daughter, who she says has distanced herself from the family during this heartbreaking time. This detail is almost brushed aside, but it really stuck out to me specifically for some reason. I believe the reason I found this interesting is because I found myself connecting with the sister. Although the details about her absence are very vague and mysterious, I found a lot of truth and importance in this character’s departure.

Throughout my life, I have been subjected to situations far beyond my capabilities of handling. I was never given the time or space to cope. And it didn’t help that I was extremely sensitive. So most of the time, I would stifle my emotions and separate myself from the people and the situation that was causing me distress. Granted I’ve never been exposed to something as intense and dangerous as a loved one with addiction, but many of the challenges in my life have had the same sense of severity and urgency to them. I will be the first person to admit that stifling and hiding emotions is one of the worst ways to handle any situation. Without openness and honestly, everything feels void and meaningless.

Without going into too much detail on my personal life, the past 5 years have been home to the biggest changes in my life. Since I can remember, I have despised any sort of change. And unfortunately for me, most of the changes have been extremely challenging and painful. Many of these life-altering moments have been completely out of my control. For most of my life, I haven’t been able to intervene in things I wish I could. I’ve been asked to step aside and let others handle my life. And while I trust them, I also trust myself. But since I’ve never been able to be involved, I’ve become the kind of person who steps back before falling in too deep. I’m not saying I’m completely estranged from every challenge in my life, but I’ve become very good at walking away and distracting myself with trivial things. I don’t know if this is exactly the case for Laura’s daughter since she has not provided much insight yet, but for me, I’m scared of the risk of being involved in things. I’m scared of appearing selfish or enacting a wave of change I can’t stop. So, like Laura’s daughter, I step away and watch from a distance.

Life would be nothing without someone to share it with.

In Chapter 2, Laura begins to realize how many people she knows through the people she loves. She sees the people in her life creating circles like “different strata, like an archeological dig.” All the people we know in our lives form different layers depending on when they were in our lives. You could even think of it like a tree. When a tree is cut down, the rings within its trunk reveal how long it’s been alive. For us, each year of life presents new struggles and experiences that bring us to people who will either help us grow or watch us fall. Each year a new ring in created around us. A ring that is full of people and moments that have shaped and molded us. As it builds, our circles expand. We meet one person and they connect us to three more. We meet a person on the street and they turn out to be our second grade crush’s cousin. While people like to pretend we’re all leading separate lives and we’re only connected through mere interactions, there’s so much more than that. Everyone knows someone, and that someone knows another. Every acquaintance, colleague, enemy, and friend allows us to build our bubble and sparks conversations to fill the surface of life with funny coincidences and ironies. But on a deeper level, this tangled and infinite web of connections is what keeps us in touch with our planet, our priorities, and ourselves.

A common theme I’ve noticed in this book so far is the idea of how every monumental event that takes place in our lives boils down to tiny things. “Most things would be discarded…but first you had to sort through it all and depress yourself with the thought of how much of a life came down to useless possessions, how much there was of vanishing” (Thompson 5). As Laura watches her mother slowly pass on, she begins to realize how her mother’s life is about to disappear, leaving behind only memories and objects. Laura is beginning to see what’s beneath the pain and grief. Belongings. A broken house. Arrangements to be made. One of the most important people in her life, the one who brought her into the world and raised her to stand and thrive, was about to disappear from her life. While she should feel this massive sense of loss, all she can think of is all the things around her. Someday, these seconds she was living, her last moments with her mother, would become ancient history and then eventually will be forgotten, if they were ever remembered to begin with.

Lives are full of moments that live within us always, emotions that overpower us, and people that create the atmosphere we find comfort in. But in the end, what is there? What are we leaving behind? Are each of us going to leave behind a legacy, or merely possessions to be thrown away or donated? Laura’s simple observation can even connect to the age-old question: Why are we here? What is our purpose on this Earth? To live, to thrive, to become successful, to build relationships, watch them fall apart, and do it all over again? Laura’s view about what is left behind has definitely laid the groundwork for what I expect to be a very powerful, gripping, and honest novel.

Not apart of Novel Project

When presented the challenge of finding a novel that not only appealed to me, but also had to be interesting enough to work on for months on end, I knew the task would be difficult. I began with the list of recommendations and basically followed a long and treacherous journey of links to find this novel. At first glance, I thought it seemed like a strong story by a great author, and nothing more, but then I took a peak inside. The first chapter begins by talking about lilacs. Before I continue, I should give you a bit of background on the book. This novel is about 3 generations of women, a grandmother, her daughter, and her granddaughter. The story covers all areas of life and shows how all women, whether they expect it or not, suffer and thrive in very similar ways. Then they mentioned lilacs.

Lilacs. The prettiest flower that bathes in the spring sunshine for only a few weeks. They’re wild and strong, and know their worth. My mother has always been in love with lilacs. For every year I’ve been alive, I remember being with my mother as she pulls to the side of a road to steal some lilacs for herself. The sweet scent always brings my mind to my mom. My mother and I have a difficult relationship. Because of this, the idea of reading a novel that discussed relationships between mothers and daughters greatly appealed to me. And the lilacs were merely the final push to choose this book. I am very happy with my choice and I look forward to relating to this book as well as allowing it to teach me new aspects of the lives of women.